A Day at ‘Work’ (A Prisoner’s Diary II)


So I’m (totally not) hiding in the security camera blindspot at work and watching the camera feed. I can keep an eye out for customers and my (totally not) great manager. I’ve been here for about 10 minutes now and nothing has really moved on any camera – so I got to thinking of all the better things to do with my time that I shouldn’t be doing at work… And here we are.


A short lived conversation sparked. My colleague said he couldn’t believe there had been no customers for more than 30 minutes. I said “yeah, it’s great”.




A wild customer appears. She looks as surprised as we are to be here…

For context I work in a food place. I won’t say where, because mystery is great. We (totally don’t) eat fresh here.

The confused human approaches the till. She retreats again to scan the menu.


Having proved to great a challenge, she abandons the menu and opens the drinks machine’s (transparent) doors to have a look inside…


Having decided she only wanted a bottle of water she is seen to by my colleague and flees the scene…. Only to be replaced by two new comers. I guess I better get up…


Quick, professional service, a kindly worded ‘fuck off’, and the quiet emptiness is restored within the store.

1 hour 13 minutes to go….


My base of (non) operation has been compromised. I’ve been banished to the sinks to wash up. I could have sworn they told me not to do that and to leave it until after lunch less than an hour ago.


I don’t know why I’m still recording these events. I now have to stop what I’m doing to dry my hands and type here. I suppose I can drag this out for 50 minutes if I keep doing this.


A thought occurs to me: I am writing prisoner diaries, but I enter entrapment in these places, whether it be a sandwich shop or a non-smoking house, of my own volition. There are layers to this that I really cannot be bothered to peel right now.


I’ve returned to the blind spot as the manager and owner have left the store, but I don’t know if they are out back or if they’ve left properly. Either way, an opportunity to be paid for doing nothing has arisen…. Kinda shit pay, but then again I’m not really doing any work: just doing my time.


Ordinarily I would take an opportunity like this to go for a cigarette, but it would be just my luck to roll up and open the door to the manager and owner. There are no breaks in Mein Kampf.

(Edit: I have been informed that ‘Kampf’ means ‘fight’. I learned something today, but I’m sure the nazi reference makes it through)

17 long minutes to go.


As it turns out, they were having a ‘very important’ meeting out back by the dumpsters. I know their tricks…

It’s really not that bad – relatively speaking – but my tolerance for the workplace and, well, people in general, has rapidly declined in the last few months.  So I complained in blog format to kill 90 minutes.

You know what they say: bitch about something long enough….


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