Non-Smoking Area (A Prisoner’s Diary)


Smokers mainly fall into two categories.

1) I need to smoke. I can’t give this up.

2) I can give up anytime – just so long as it’s next Tuesday.

I shamelessly admit to being in the latter party. I feel that I won’t bother to give up until I have a reason to, or at least some decent motivation that goes beyond financial benefit. However, sometimes a smoker is denied his/her fix. This can do strange things to a person.

I’m awake in my friend’s house. I’ve been given instruction not to leave until midday as there are CCTV cameras likely being monitored and there are people in this house, myself included, who should not be here (the why of it is boring, so I’ll skim over that). As we were drinking until the early hours, I’m the first to wake up. I have to wait 4 hours and 25 minutes…


Checked Facebook 4 times in 20 minutes… Pacing the kitchen in a vest and boxers, guzzling water. I’m too hot. Urgh….


Sat with my feet in a shallow bath of cold water watching Netflix.


There’s a tiny window open – could I smoke out of that? No I shouldn’t… Are there any windows to climb out of into blind spots? Fuck…


I’ve run a full bath. I’m listening to ‘Merry X-Mas Everybody’ by Slade in the bath. This is Monday.


I should give up smoking. Or maybe just cut down…




There’s an alarm going off outside. My mood advances to the state that would be best expressed by breaking something or knocking a small child’s ice cream from their hands… and I think I’ve used all of the hot water…. Whoops.


Just found some expensive looking body wash. Looks a little too fancy for someone who still laughs at their own fart bubbles in the bath. What? That’s not me at all! And now I smell really good. Why am I telling you any of this?


I want to smoke…. Getting out of this cold shitty bath….


I think I’ve found a solution.


Found my way into the drafty garage from the inside. Finally!


Little bit of deodorant spray… and all better.

I’m still trapped for another hour and a half and no one else is awake, but I feel more human now. Well, as close as I get to human anyway. Thank you for killing my boredom and following through with my story of struggle, ingenuity and peril. I hope I slaked 5 minutes of your boredom too.

Listening To: Spooky Songs For Creepy Kids – Voltaire


Image Source: Google Images

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