Do you ever find yourself having a totally exaggerated thought responses? I mean ‘Man Flu‘ is a great example – guys, you’re with me when I say that when you’ve got it really bad the thought ‘I’m actually going to die‘ or ‘please kill me‘ crosses your mind, right? We all know that it’s an extreme thing to think or say aloud, but at the time it either seems totally justified, or we are simply not in a position to care that we’ve had that thought. This is something I think everyone experiences, yourself included, and can apply to hangovers (tick), pregnancy scares (tick), being lost in a new place (tick) or in shock from an actual injury (tick).
The reason I got thinking about this is because I’ve had 3 of these outrageous thought-reflexes in the past couple of weeks (yeah, I’ve not had the best time over the last couple weeks…). The first example I’ll use was last Monday…
Cutting a long story short, I had my drink spiked in a bar in Leicester Square and suffered total amnesia from around 10.30pm to 1.30am – in this time I had some how managed to get to High Barnett, regained consciousness standing on the platform, very cold and confused whilst my insides were staging some kind of riot. For context, I live in South Wimbledon, so being at the top of the Northern Line, in an area I didn’t know at all, when all tubes had stopped was bad. The lack of memory and phone battery was worse. When I figured out where I was and what time it was, and worked out that I was very much alone in this situation, I stopped: ‘I give in – someone is going to stab me and it’s game over‘. It was like living out a nightmare….
I did manage to get home after a long walk and a very expensive cab, and I didn’t die.
The second occasion was last night. I made my first trip in my whole life to A&E. I had been experiencing trouble breathing, along with other symptoms, that were getting progressively worse and I was advised to get straight to A+E by my GP. To me, hospitals are just death factories so I felt my vision start to swim and my stomach turn by the time I made it to A&E. Despite the blood test (I don’t deal well with injections), x-rays and confusion/pain – the wait among all the other plague-carrying corpses-to-be is when I thought ‘I’m going to die in the waiting room – this is so ironic, but I don’t have the capacity to think why!‘ (this is what I wrote in a note for myself, I found later last night).
Avoiding the boring details, I didn’t die in the waiting room, and the doctors advised I don’t have anything fatal that could kill me any time soon.
The third occasion was earlier today. Some of you may remember I mentioned before that I do some market research work, and I was doing some of that today. Another first for me was a visit to an IKEA store (I know I know, where have I been all my life?). I wandered in, taking in all the Swedish itinerary, scribbling data into a notepad as I ambled around the store, occasionally double backing or stopping to make a note. It was only after around 30 minutes and I needed to go to the tills to collect information that I realised that not only did I not know where the tills were, but I had no idea where I’d come from or which way I had intended to go before stopping.
I did the most logical thing: I followed the path around, keeping an eye on fuller trolleys walking faster than the rest, taking more information in as I did. I had been in the store for about an hour when I thought ‘I’m already dead. I died last night and now I’m in Swedish purgatory!‘. This was followed quickly by ‘I could probably get used to meatballs everyday‘ which was worryingly calming, but I soon found myself in the flat-packed furniture dungeon and I knew I was close to freedom.
You must all think I’m such a hypochondriac now! I swear, I’m not (usually) and it just seems that my journey of discovery has been a lot more varied a lot sooner than expected. I can safely say that getting drugged, a visit to A&E and loosing my mind in IKEA on a busy Saturday afternoon were not included on any short or long term ‘TO DO’ list, but I suppose they are experiences all the same.
Pictures(in order of appearance): Black Books, Finding Nemo, How I Met Your Mother
Image Source: Google Images
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